Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Life, could you be more gentle to me?

2013 has been an unkind year. Tragedy after tragedy seems to be crashing all around us nationally and, if you are human and happen to know other humans, personally. So far this year, I have been witness to the loss of two babies, the Boston Marathon bombing, the Bangladesh factory collapse, the suicide of a son, the West, TX explosion and most recently, the Moore, OK tornado. We are less than 6 months into this year and, if not for my faith in God Almighty, I would shudder to think what else this year might bring. That is not to say I have not been affected by the loss and grief around me.

Yesterday, I was inexplicably sad. Sad for my country. Sad for the families missing loved ones. Even the silly antics of a 2 year old were only a brief respite from the grief that seemed to wash over me in undulating waves yesterday. I cried for the mothers and fathers who can no longer kiss the soft cheeks of their children. I cried for the families torn apart by death and destruction. I cried for a country so divided all we can do is call each other names like schoolyard bullies. I cried for my friends who have faced the unspeakable. I cried for my failures and frustrations. I cried and I wept.

In my weeping, my soul cried out to God with words I will never be able to speak. I reached to Him like an inconsolable toddler. Unexplainable pain tore at me. Sob after unwanted sob poured from the raw depths of me. Part of my grief was the inability to make every person's suffering stop and the helplessness I feel when I hear about another tragedy, another death, another wound. Relient K's lyrics whispered in the back of my mind. "Life, could you be a littler softer to me? / Life, could you be more gentle me?" In my weeping, I poured it all out in His arms. I had to. The burden was breaking me. My shoulders were splintered from trying to carry the world's misfortunes. And then I slept.

There is still tragedy in the world and there always will be as long as we are on this earth but there is hope in the hopelessness. Whether you believe in Him or not, God is still here and He is still in control. He is our Great Healer, our Comforter, our Father and our King. I can't tell you why children die or why lives are destroyed but I can tell you that there is hope and there is peace. Strength comes when it is needed. Good things still happen. Pain is a part of life but we can choose to push through and trust that God will bring us out of it. Am I still sad? Yes. But today I rest in the thought that I am a child of God and He loves me more than I will ever know. Until I am with Him in heaven, that will be enough for me. Thanks for reading.

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