Monday, October 29, 2007

Groping around in the dark

I know this post is way over due. The last two weeks have been hectic and trying.

I went through a Tres Dias weekend a couple of weekends ago. If you don't know what that is, checkout this website: It is like Walk to Emmaus, if anyone knows what that is. It was amazing. It revitalized my faith and connected me to some great Christians.

During Tres Dias, I came to the realization that God wants me in Citronelle. I firmly believe there is a ministry here for me. I have been praying about moving ever since Kevin told me I was going to have to leave. The answer I keep getting is "Wait." I am not sure what I am waiting for, but that is what I am doing. I decided the other day God is going to have to do something amazing by December 1st or I am going home.

I am now in my third week at the Sears Portrait Studio. It is more sales oriented than I thought and I am a terrible sales person. Although, I did sell a platinum collection today which is the most expensive one we offer. I don't really like it there, but I believe it is simply a means to an end. Again, I don't know what end. I really feel like I am walking around in the dark.

I am still terribly lonely and homesick. I haven't be able to make any new friends since I got here. I don't get to see the few friends I do have because of work and other reasons. Nobody invites me over anymore. I think it is because they are busy, but my doubts about myself sometimes tell me it is because they don't like me anymore.

I met some really nice people at Tres Dias. On November 17, they are having a gathering of all the people who have ever gone through it. I am really looking forward to it. I think something will happen at this gathering. I am hoping for an answer to some prayers. I am doing everything in my power to go to it. Thankfully, it is being held at the camp.

I did have visitors on Saturday night. Once again, Alex fulfilled his role as my social planner. Alex, Kaiti and Mea came over. We had dinner and then played rummy. Alex beat us everytime, but he was the only one who had played so he had an advantage. I think if I could play some more, I could give him a run for his money.

With November just around the corner, Thanksgiving has been weighing heavily on my mind. I do not know what I am going to do. I will not be able to take off enough time to drive home and I cannot afford to fly home. I will probably spend the day all by myself in my sheetrock box. How depressing. This will be a very trying time for me. The urge to start packing gets stonger everyday and the only way I will make though the holiday season is with God. I am going through some major spiritual warfare and it becomes harder everyday. I know God is still here with me. He is taking care of me and this trial is a test. I just hope I have the strength to make it to the end.

I just ask everyone to please keep praying for me. I really want to make this work, but it is getting harder everyday. I have to pray constantly to keep myself going. I don't think God would bring me out here for no reason; I just wish he would share that reason with me. Thanks for reading.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

A conversation and Texas

In a recent post, I mentioned I was thinking about going home. I have been praying about it ever since. God answered that pray in an unusual manner. Let me regale you with the tale.

Friday night, I was sitting in the Island watching a movie. (If you are a regular reader, you may notice: I watch alot of movies.) I was also online but couldn't find anyone to talk to. The movie was almost over when I suddenly became soul-crushingly lonely. This confused me because it was so strong and sudden. I had had a good day because I had seen friends that day and had felt fine all day.

After a few minutes of being confused, I decided as soon as the movie was over I would go outside. The evenings are beautiful here and sometimes I go sit on a bench that is outside my door. I decided this was a good idea because there was a group here and if I didn't talk to any of them, at least I would see other human beings.

When the movie ended, I decided to also take out my trash. I walked outside and was attacked by Whisper, the camp dog. She was going nuts and wanted my attention. While walking back from the Dumpster, a man came out of the office and asked if she was my dog. I told him that she was the camp dog.

To make a long story short, we started a conversation. In the midst of this conversation, he said something totally out of the blue. He was kind of jumping around and I knew he was trying to make a point. Finally he stopped and said, "Ginger, what I am trying to say is don't go home." Those were his exact words. I had not told him about wanting to go home. I feel certain he was sent by God to give me this message.

Now that I know I am not supposed to go home, I would like to take a little time to miss all the things that make me want to go home. I miss brisket made the way my momma makes it. I miss sunsets. I miss the wind, yes, really I do. I miss my dog and my cat. I miss knowing where the closest Sonic is. I miss being able to see more than 10 feet in front of me. I miss 2nd Sundays at Wendy's. I miss real Mexican food. I miss Palo Duro Canyon. I miss Taco Bueno. I miss Wal-Marts that give you an extra 3 cents off gas when you use a gift card. I miss crazy family gatherings. I miss Texas barbeque. I miss having a kitchen and cooking for people. I miss being hugged everyday.

Ok, now it's out of my system. I will always miss Texas and as I tell anyone who will listen, I will be Texan till the day I die. I would also like to let everyone who doesn't already know; I got a job! I begin training at the Sears Portrait Studio tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Spiderzilla Attacks!!

Let me set the scene:

I was watching a movie last night. I had turned off all the lights and was reclining on the couch. I was deeply engrossed in an intense scene between Van Helsing and Dracula when I saw something crawl out from under the couch. My first thought was it was a mouse because it was about the size of a small rodent. After a few seconds I realized it didn't move like a mouse. At this point, I was really hoping it was a giant cockroach. I can handle giant cockroaches. Turn on the light, they scatter.

Now, I decided I was going to have to turn on the light because I really needed to know what had parked itself in the middle of my floor. I quietly and quickly got off the couch and turned on the light. What I saw froze me to my very core. (Imagine dramatic music here)

In the middle of my floor looking at me with all eight of its black beady eyes was the biggest spider I have ever seen that wasn't behind glass. Now, normally I am a rational person but when it comes to eight-legged creatures, I lose all reason. I had my phone in my hand and decided I needed to call someone to take care of this thing.

I opened my phone book and called the first person on the list who lives in Alabama who happened to be Alex. He didn't answer which was probably a good thing because he is 17 and has a curfew so he probably wouldn't have been able to help me anyway. He told me today that I woke him up which is why he didn't answer. It was only 10:30 and he didn't have school today. What 17 year old with an Xbox 360 Elite and Halo 3 would be in bed on a "Friday" night?

So now I was at the point where I have to find someone to kill this thing because I am really starting to freak. Then I remembered there is a group here this weekend that consists of all men. Surely I could find one of them to come kill the monstrosity.

I went to the kitchen which is next door to my room. Thank the Lord there were some men in there and one of them was kind enough to kill the spider. I learned today from his wife he is scared of spiders and she was surprised he killed it. Apparently, I was more terrified than he was.

After he left, I could feel myself really starting to freak. I called Mom and told her what happened. I was to the point where I couldn't even touch the couch and didn't want to get into my bed because it is immediately behind the couch. I couldn't stand the place any longer so I grabbed my keys and went to sit in my car.

Sitting in my car seemed to help. I was trying to decide what to do because my skin was crawling and there was no way I could go back into that room in the condition I was in. I tried going down to Sara's house to see if I could sleep in her guest bed. There was a light on so I knocked. She didn't answer. I found out later she was sick.

So I decided to go for a drive. Now, Citronelle is a small town and it is in the middle of Podunk. By drive, I mean I made a big circle and went down Main street. The whole drive took me about 7 minutes.

When I got back to camp, I decided I still needed some calming down. I got on the internet to see if anyone was online. Nobody was. I prayed for about 2 minutes when the little box for the MySpace IM popped up to tell me Kayla was on. Kayla is more afraid of spiders than I am so I knew she would sympathize. After talking to her for a while I felt calm enough to sleep.

The problem still remained of where I was going to sleep. I had thought about sleeping on the top bunk of one of the other beds in my room because Mom had assured me that a spider like that would stay on the ground. The ceiling is awfully low and I just couldn't take that risk. I ended up sleeping on the love seat with the lights on. I couldn't make myself turn the lights off because I was afraid another spider would come out if I did.

Needless to say I am rather tired today. I know my fear of spiders is irrational and all in my head but I don't know how to change it. I still get the heebie jeebies when I walk into the Island and I still haven't been able to make myself sit on the couch.
Yes, Mom. I took this picture and this is the actual beast that was in my room. If you notice, there are a couple of legs missing from one side. I found them later in my room. Oh, the horror!! Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Time is ticking....

I have become all too aware of the passage of time. Yesterday, I was walking back to the Island and I looked over at the sun. It looked worn out and sad. It was also lower in the sky like it just didn't have the energy to stay up any longer. It made me realize I was looking at an ancient object. My meer 26 years are nothing compared to the thousands of years the sun has been shining.

I have also noticed all the leaves on the ground. I know it is October, but it does not feel like it. It has been in the high 80s for the past two weeks. I cannot believe fall is already here. I had hoped by this time to have gainful employment and be on my way to my own place. Things just aren't working out like I thought they would.

A huge branch from one of the pecan trees at the camp fell yesterday evening. Thankfully it only fell on a lamp and they were able to straighten it back out. The good thing is the pecans were ready to be picked. There are pecans all over the ground so Sunny and I went and gathered some of them. They are very tasty.

I am thinking about going home. I mentioned that things just haven't worked out the way I thought they would. I had a lot of support from my local friends when I got here, but that seems to have petered out for whatever reason. Every week that passes reminds me I have one week less to find somewhere else to live. I don't even have a job yet. I do have an interview tomorrow to work at the portrait studio at the Sears in the mall.

I am not taking this decision lightly. I know God brought me here for a reason. Maybe I have fulfilled that purpose already. I am prayerfully considering all my alternatives. I am taking part in Tres Dias in a couple of weeks. Tres Dias is a weekend retreat similar to Walk to Emmaus. I feel I will be able to answer some of my questions at this weekend retreat. Please continue to pray for me. Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Home is where the heart is...or at least your furniture.

Well, the director of the camp I live at told me yesterday I need to find somewhere else to live by the beginning of December. At first, I was a little upset. I thought, "That's it. I'm done. I am going to have hang my head and go back to Texas a failure."

After shedding a few tears and feeling sorry for myself for about 20 minutes, I realized this just might be the push I need to get out on my own. I will be getting a little money back on my student loans so I will soon be looking for an apartment. I am going to start looking in Saraland which is a little north of Mobile.

My main concern is I have no furniture. Not a single piece, at least not here in Alabama. The few meager pieces I do have are all in Texas. I have to either find a way to have them brought here or go and get them. I am still working on it.

The camp had its 5K run on Saturday. We had 46 runners and walkers. It was a great success and Sunny hopes to do it again next year. I volunteered and had lots of fun helping. The staff also had another gathering on Saturday. This time it was just us girls. We watched movies and played sardines. We had a great time and I enjoyed seeing all of them. Chelsea and Kaiti stayed the night with me and Chelsea went to church with me the next day. It was fifth Sunday singing so we had a wonderful noon meal. We didn't get to stay for the singing because I had to have Chelsea back at the camp by a certain time so her mom could pick her up.

I ordered my books for my classes that start on October 22nd. I am taking Bible 104 and Theology 104 at Liberty University Online. I had a little trouble getting it rolling because of a mistake on my part, but we got everything settled and I am now ready to start learning. Yea!!!

Again, thank you all for praying for me. I am still in need of your prayers and will probably remain so for a while. It is tough trying to get out on your own. I am only just now realizing exactly how hard. I know God is watching out for me and will take care of me. Thanks for reading.