What!?! I'm still here!?!

So I have been home for a few weeks. I started working at the Sears Portrait Studio here in Amarillo, and I still don’t like it. I haven’t gained back any of the weight I had lost which I thought I would. We like to eat here in Texas.

I still miss Alabama. Actually, I ache for it. It has been cold and windy here.We are supposed to get freezing rain tonight. If there is ice on the roads tomorrow, I am not going to work. I miss the Alabama sunshine and warm weather. I am still trying to figure out how to get back. I would like to do a total move. My grandma has been kind enough to offer some furniture to me. I just have to find a way to get it from New Mexico to Alabama. I also need to find some money with which to move. The Sears here pays $1.10 less than the one in Mobile.

I am very thankful for my friends. Mea calls me and texts me every day or so. She keeps me up to date on everything that is happening in Alabama. Jeremiah calls me almost everyday and keeps me laughing. I enjoy these little visits and they keep me from going crazy. I also enjoy the MySpace chats I have with Jakefus and Jonathan. I just wish I had someone here in Amarillo to hang out with every so often. Roderick called me the other day and we are supposed to hang out sometime before I leave. It is always hard to try to find a time when both of us are available.

I have been keeping myself busy by watching InuYasha. My mom calls it my anime soap opera. I call it my escape. It is a really neat show my cousin in Greenville introduced me to. The only problem is I watched the last one my sister has on DVD today. I have to decide if I want try to watch them on the Internet or wait for the fifth season to come out.

I am still struggling with the feeling that I have turned tail and ran. My doubtful nature keeps telling me that if I had only believed harder or prayed harder, I would have succeeded. Then I think that maybe God knew I couldn’t handle the holidays by myself. He must have a plan for getting me back to Alabama. He took me there once; He can do it again. I just keep praying and waiting.

I do love the fact I have a kitchen I can cook in. The other night, I made oven-fried chicken, buttered squash and kettle roasted corn. It is so nice to be able to cook again. I love creating something people can enjoy. I love feeding people and trying new recipes.

I also struggle with the desire to have a family. I want so much to be a mother and a wife. That is part of the reason I don’t like working at Sears. I see these people come in with their families and get these beautiful portraits done. They now have this wonderful keepsake to remind them of the blessings they have. I want so much to be one of those moms bringing in their precious, although sometimes bratty, children.

Well, keep praying for patience and guidance. Please also pray for my attitude. I am trying to remain postive as I struggle with my job. I only have two more weeks or so before seasonal help is dismissed, but I hate it. Some days I am in tears just thinking about having to go to work. I want so much to go back to Alabama, but more than that, I want to do what God has planned for me. Thanks for reading!