Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Random thoughts of a 26 year old bum

I am sitting in Birmingham International Airport. I have driven 4 hours in a rental car to be here, and now I have a 2 and a half hour wait. But I don’t mind. I can catch up on my reading for my classes. I can call a couple of people to chat a bit. I can sit and think about what I am going to go next.

I am taking action. I am going to try my darnedest to move to Alabama. The way I see it, I can either try and fail or not try and always wonder. How will I know if I don’t try? I am going to start by looking for full time jobs that I can apply for online. The hospitals in Mobile have lots of openings. Some of the banks do online apps. If this is what God wants for me, He will open the door. All I can do is try.

I have been asked to work in the kitchen at the camp this summer. I am prayerfully considering this. I would do anything to be back at the camp. I love that camp. I love the ministry. I love the people. If I do not find a full time job in the next month, I will more than likely take it. But I also want to be sure that it is what God wants for me.

I am going to start going deeper into His Word. I am going to start scouring it for answers. I am going to turn back to God. I have become lazy in my studies of the Word. I am going to start writing in my prayer journal again. A quote I heard recently comes back to me often as I decide where to minister. "If they come here looking for Jesus and find only you, how disappointed are they going to be?" I need to refocus my life. I need to consider more of what God wants and less of what I want. I also need to learn to accept it when things do not go the way that I want them. I need to learn to be happy in all of my circumstances whether I am in Texas or Alabama or wherever I may end up.

Leaving Alabama gets harder and harder. I feel like I leave a little piece of my self there every time I go. I leave it with all the people I know down there. I love my camp brothers and sisters. I know I keep saying that, but it is so true. I feel like I have gained so much from them. Their perspective on life never ceases to amaze me. They are so refreshing to be around because of their zeal for life and their wild abandon. They are so carefree and funny. I laugh more when I am with them than with anyone else I know. I want so much to be the role model for them that I should be. I want them to be able to come to me when they have problems. It would break my heart, probably irrevocably, if I was never to see any of them again this side of Heaven.

I am really glad I decided to stay and go to church. This past Sunday was the last Sunday for my preacher in Alabama. He has decided that God has other work for him so he resigned and is taking a leap of faith. He is someone I hope to remain in contact with for the rest of my life. He is a good teacher and great friend. Shadow Lawn Baptist will never be the same.

I am a little confused. I will decide on a course of action and I will think it is what I am supposed to be doing. I will then start working at it and find another avenue or I will come against opposition. I am getting to the point where I cannot keep my head clear and keep everything straight. I feel like there are so many options coming at me. I am beginning to become overwhelmed. I never feel like I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing except for those rare occasions when I am.

I want to end with this final thought for all my friends in Alabama. I have gone to Alabama 5 times now. I think it is high time someone came to Texas. Think about it. We always have an extra bed waiting. Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

briddie said...

Don't forget that sometimes God gives us obstacles for a reason. The strength we gain from overcoming the hard times will be important later; we just don't know where or when. Don't lose faith, use your fears as a reminder that God's plan for you doesn't just cover today or tomorrow, but the rest of your life.

Yeah, so the traffic light turns red when you're running late for work. But it also turns green for someone else, and their need may be greater; you have no way of knowing. You just have to have trust. Hang in there.