Have you ever felt like you have missed out on something? That because of some mistake or inaction on your part you have altered the course of your life, but you have no idea what it was? Have you ever had reason to celebrate with a friend, but was having trouble doing so because of your own sadness?
I can say yes to all of these questions. In fact, I did just that on Saturday. My roommate got married a couple of weeks ago. Being that they are both from the Minnesota area, it was only natural they were married there. So in order not to snub all their Amarillo friends and family, they had a reception last Saturday. She was kind enough to invite myself and my mom.
I was ok until the slide show. As I watched the pictures of their 4-year relationship, I began to feel strange. There was picture after picture of them together. They looked so happy and so comfortable together. I realized towards the end of the show that what I was feeling was jealousy. Why it took me so long to realize this, I don't know. Unfortunately, I am familiar with this particular emotion.
After the slide show was over, I had this sinking feeling I was missing out on something wonderful and mysterious to me. I began to think about all the hearts I had broken. I began to think about all the people I had let myself drift apart from. As my heart caved in, I felt terrible dispair that I had missed my chance.
I know this is probably not true. I know many people who have gotten married for the first time who were older than 27. My roommate is one of them. It just seems that there are so many more who had been married for several years by the time they were 27. You are probably thinking the same thing I am right now. Maybe I dwell on this too much.
So tell me...how do I stop dwelling on it? I know most of you will say pray about it. I do that. Everyday. But surely there are other things I can do. Anyone have any suggestions?
I have had time to think about it since then. I don't feel jealous anymore. I now have a great apartment all to myself and I love every minute of it. But there are some days when I wish I had someone to share it with who was more than just a roommate. I have gotten to the point where I am satisfied in my singleness...most of the time. I still have my moments.
I know he is out there somewhere. I believe God would not give me such a strong desire for companionship if He wasn't preparing someone just for me. I ask all my readers who pray to pray I can be content in my situation until the time when God deems it needs to change.
Thanks for reading.