Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Treading the halls of sanity...

Just off the border of your waking mind,
There lies another time,
Where darkness and light are one.
And as you tread the halls of sanity,
You feel so glad to be unable to go on.
I have a message from another time.

Prologue by Brave Saint Saturn

I feel weird today. I was staring at a door frame earlier and it started vibrating. No matter how many times I looked away and looked back, it was always vibrating. Like it was an illusion trying its best to stay together. I feel like I am disconnected from my body. Like this is not really reality. Like I am part of something I don't even realize..like the Matrix but weirder.

I dreamt last night about a former co-worker chasing black and white kangaroos down the highway so I am pretty sure I am in the right reality. Or am I? Maybe what I think is "normal" is just someone else's dream.

I have had a funny plasticky taste in my mouth all day. Maybe I was abducted by aliens and I am laying on a table somewhere with a tube down my throat. Or maybe I was in a terrible accident I can't remember and I am laying in a hospital bed barely hanging on to life.

Or maybe I am just tired. I feel tired, but it is a funny kind of tired. I don't feel like sleeping. I just feel like staring off into space. Sitting as still as possible. Seeing what happens. To see if I can stop all sensation in my body. To see if I can make myself completely numb.

I have no reason to feel numb. I just want to see if I can do it. I have this strange awareness of my body today. I can feel my flesh clinging to my bones and my skin doing its best to hold it all together. It is a very unsettling awareness. I am beginning to wonder if this is a lingering side effect of my previous depression like the nagging cough that remains after a cold.

Or maybe I just feel weird. Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

Talkin' Texan said...

Or maybe you're coming down with the flu!
Hope you feel better soon!
Lavonda