Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Scum between my toes...

That’s what I feel like: scum. I have hurt someone and I have never even met him. I was contacted on MySpace and asked to lunch. I accepted with the rationale I was never going to meet anybody if I never put myself out there. Because of various reasons, we were never able to actually go out. I prayed about it and decided I shouldn’t pursue it because it was not going to work out. I didn’t want to give him false hope because I knew it would not have worked out. I have certain standards I adhere to. Many have told me they are too high, but they are important enough to me that I will not compromise. I was just trying to make myself feel better. I am a horrible person, I know. So now I have hurt someone and I feel worse than pond scum.

Being a Christian, I am ashamed of my behavior. We should love all of God’s creatures. I was merely using someone because I knew he would give me attention I crave. But I would not have reciprocated. It would have been unfair to all involved. It would have ended badly. It hurts now, but it would have been far worse if I had let it continue. I know from personal experience. I would give the numbers of those I have hurt the same way in the past, but they no longer speak to me and I have no idea where they are now.

So here is my confession. I am ashamed and pray the person involved will forgive me and move on.

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