Thursday, February 26, 2009

My story...

I love to learn about people. I love to hear their stories. I think in today's society we focus so much on ourselves that we miss the rich and vibrant lives around us. We miss the pain and the joy, the sorrow and the triumph.

My blog is my story. I share parts of my life with any who will listen. Not all of my stories are happy nor are they all sad. Of course, there are also parts I don't share. The parts that are too private, too personal, too painful.

I want to share one of those stories with you now. This is no easy thing I do. But I feel there are others out there who can learn from my mistake...and my subsequent restoration.

When I was 14, I signed a True Love Waits vow. My parents gave me a special ring that I wore to help me remember my vow. It has always been important to maintain my sexual purity until marriage. And I did so until this past December.

At the age of 27, I gave the most precious gift I had, my body, to someone who was not my husband. I did this out of a rebellious heart towards God. I did it out of loneliness. I did it because I thought I was taking charge of my life. I did it because I thought it would make him love me.

These actions, and his subsequent rejection of me, led to tremendous emotional damage. I became very depressed. At one point, I had thoughts about death that scared me. It was affecting my work, my relationships with other people and my desire to live. As you read on, please remember that I hold no ill will towards the man.

I have since made my peace with God. I know he has forgiven me. I am still working on forgiving myself but I get closer everday. He has restored my faith and my confidence. I am a new woman.

I recently met another man. His name is Wisdom and the name fits him perfectly. He has amazed me, inspired me, encouraged me. He is a man of God and I respect him deeply. As we are starting our relationship, we are trying to be completely honest with each other. In keeping with this, I told him what I had done. I was afraid because of his faith in God that he would be appalled at my sin. Instead, he accepted me with open arms.

I had given my ring to the man I had slept with because I could no longer wear it. After meeting Wisdom, I wanted to recommit to being celibate and I wanted another ring to help me remember. In order to do this, I had to tell my mom. That is one of the hardest conversations I have ever had with her. I was so afraid she would be disappointed in me. Instead, she empathized with my pain and rejoiced at my forgiveness.

The next time we talked, I told Wisdom about the ring and how I wanted to get another. He offered to send me the money. I told him I couldn't let him do that because I didn't feel right taking his money. He was very adamant and told me he wanted to help me recommit myself. He told me it would be an honor to do this for me. I was moved to tears. I had no choice but to let him help me.

I now wear the ring proudly. It has so much meaning. It is actually two rings that are meant to be worn together. They are both very simple rings. One of them has a garnet to symbolize Christ's blood for me. And because I am a literary person, it reminds me of the scarlet letter of Hawthorne fame. The second has a white sapphire to symbolize the cleansing of my sin. I know without a doubt I have been forgiven.

That is my story. I hope it inspires you or convicts you. What is your story? I would love to hear it. Thanks for reading.

3 comments:

Talkin' Texan said...

I know how hard it was for you to post this. I pray God will use your story for His glory and for another's good. Isn't forgivness wonderful?

christina (the dreamer) said...

this is so very beautiful! thank you for sharing. it is always good to hear about God's forgivness and the changes in us.
press on sister.

Kateyamatey! said...

God forgave you the second you felt guilt in your heart. You are so awesome Gingeeee. I am so blessed to work with you and to share a wonderful website with, haha. You are truly a person I will look up to my whole life.