Monday, April 7, 2008

The rhythm of my soul...

I have been going through a particularly hard time recently. Please don’t ask for details because I am not ready to talk about it. To be honest, I am not sure I will ever be ready to talk about it, but I have made an interesting observation.

I was feeling very down on the way home from the evening service on Sunday. I was struck by the revelation I had lost a dear friend, possibly forever. I didn’t want to cry. I just kind of felt blank or numb. It was kind of like the feeling one gets after learning of the death of a loved one and after the first round of tears. I guess you could call it disbelief or resignation.

The CD in my stereo when I got in my car was an old Amy Grant. I really like it, but it has lots of sappy songs on it and I was just not in the mood. I traded it out for the Wake Up! Wake Up! album from Everyday Sunday. Now they are not a heavy metal band but they do have some amazing rock songs.

As I was driving home, I listened. At points, the guitars seemed to be beating themselves against my emotions. It was like they were trying to beat some feeling back into my soul. It was as if the music was feeling my pain and was trying to empathize with me. Trying to comfort me in some way. I realized this is why I love rock.

Since before I owned my own stereo, I have loved music. I own more than 400 CDs ranging from classical to dance to hip hop to country to rock. And as long as I can remember, I have listened to whatever suited my mood. If I feel hyper, I listen to Relient K or FM Static. If I feel mellow, I listen to Michael W. Smith or Casting Crowns. If I feel rebellious, I listen to MxPx. If I feel nostalgic, I listen to Three Dog Night or Tom Petty. If I feel sentimental, I listen to Toby Keith. Ask me any mood and I can name a band I would listen to.

I didn’t realize until that evening it is because they seem to speak to something inside of me I am unaware of. It almost seems as if the sound frequencies resonate with something inside me. Almost like an actual physical reaction to sound stimuli.

There have been times when I wanted to listen to music but I couldn’t find anything to suit my mood. Maybe it is because I don’t have that one album with that specific frequency I need. I may have to do more research on the subject. Thanks for reading.

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